Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else - you are the one who gets burned.
- Buddha
"Does expressing your anger make you feel better?"
"Yes," responded Nathaniel.
"Does the anger come back later if you think about the situation that originally produced the anger?" asked the stranger.
"Yes," responded Nathaniel.
"Nathaniel, you're not talking about anger. You're talking about resentment. Resentment is best defined as re-feeling anger. Someone has made you angry, later when you think about it again you re-feel the anger."
The stranger continued, "I want you to think about something for a moment. Suppose that you encountered a man who was stabbing himself with an ice pick. He tells you that someone hurt him in the past and that in order to punish this person, he had placed that person's name on the ice pick. Now he's stabbing himself with the ice pick to punish the person who hurt him. What would you think of this man?"
"I would think he was insane," said Nathaniel.
"You'd label him insane; however, you're doing the same thing with this Jones. Every time you think about him you stab yourself with an emotional ice pick. He's quite oblivious to your emotional pain. He's probably out playing golf enjoying the sun while you're stabbing yourself with this ice pick."
"I never thought of it that way before, but what can I do? The thoughts seem automatic," said Nathaniel.
"Pray for Jones. Pray just as you did before about your childhood resentments," said the stranger.
"You have got to be kidding!" exclaimed Nathaniel.
"Not at all," the stranger said powerfully. "You don't have to mean it, just say the words a dozen times or more and see what that does for you. Just approach it like an experiment. Use totally selfish motives. Use the desire to get rid of the ice pick. You're the one that's hurting."
"The only thing that guy deserves is a bullet in the back of the head," said Nathaniel.
"Possibly," the stranger said sympathetically, "but you're still feeling the pain. You're the one with the ice pick. Remember you don't have to mean a word of what you're saying. Just say the words, try the experiment."
Nathaniel grudgingly followed the stranger's advice; he silently said the prayer. "God give Jones everything I want for myself, health, wealth, outstanding achievements and true happiness." He then repeated the prayer over and over again. It seemed stupid, but Nathaniel continued the experiment mostly to prove the stranger wrong, to prove that the prayer wouldn't work in this situation. Each time he repeated the prayer he was careful to tell God that he didn't mean a word of what he was saying. However, the insincere prayer eventually did seem to bring a certain amount of peace of mind.
After giving Nathaniel some time to pray, the stranger said:
"You see Nathaniel you're the one who gains. The way you approached the problem before was just a mistake. It didn't give you the result you wished to achieve.
"Given a sufficient period of time, and God has eternity, all humans will learn from their mistakes. Once they have learned from their mistakes, enlightened self-interest will cause a change in their behavior."
- Clyde A. Lewis, An Encounter with a Prophet
